Being angry feels extremely awkward to me, unnatural like a fish out of water. Theres just not enough time in a day for for me to be angry. My point here is that I never get mad. The chances of you seeing me mad would be the same chances of you meeting two native american Indians in the same day. Super rare.
But right now, at this moment…………. I. am. Fucking. pissed!
Wikipedia notes that anger is an emotion related to one’s perception of having been offended or wronged and a tendency to undo that wrongdoing by retaliation. This describes my current mind state perfectly. I feel offended, highly wronged and I guess my retaliation would be this rage blog here.
Hypocrisy is the state of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. I define the word only because it has now become so apparent to me that hypocrisy is in fact the state that my state and my country are in. It’s a pretense of the worst kind. It’s a royal deception. It’s the biggest and blackest dick ever to have penetrated a reluctant anus.
Due in part to wiki leaks but mainly due to a commenter on a YouTube video about wiki leaks I came across United States Patent 6630507. http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&d=PALL&p=1&u=/netahtml/PTO/srchnum.htm&r=1&f=G&l=50&s1=6630507.PN.&OS=PN/6630507&RS=PN/6630507 Simply put, it’s a patent for marijuana in the form of a pharmaceutical compound on the basis that marijuana is safe and medically useful.
My first thought was “Great! The government is finally starting to figure out!” but then I saw the date it was filed and I almost cried. Patent 6630507 was published in 1999 and formally filed in February of 2001.
Mothers’ day of 2002, I was 18 years old at the time and I was at a friend’s apartment playing video games. My freshman year at Baylor was over and summer break had just begun! It was late afternoon when the DEA and Waco police broke down the door and arrested everyone in the apartment. We were handcuffed at gun point and all charged with felony possession of marijuana. Possession of marijuana becomes a felony in Texas if you have over 3 ounces. We had exactly 3 ounces in that apartment. I remember them spitting at us because 3 ounces of marijuana was all they found. Waco police had gotten the DEA involved and I guess they were expecting some huge drug bust of the decade type bust. They were pissed, but I don’t think they were as pissed as I am now. We were arrested and sent to McLennan county jail where we spent the better part of a week waiting for someone to miraculously post our $30,000 bail. Luckily my fraternity bailed me out and so began the worst period in my life.
I was immediately expelled from Baylor and indicted two years later. My lawyer advised that I plead guilty because he was worried that a jury in Waco might not sympathize with me due to me not being white. Crazy right?
I was now a felon on paper. Judge Allen, the dick, gave me 3.5 years probation, 350 community service hours, 40 hours of drug rehabilitation classes and so much more. I was required to attend weekly narcotics anonymous meetings, monthly urine analyses, and was not allowed to leave the county. He also decided last minute, as if he was trying to order food from a menu, that I should also have to spend 6 consecutive weekends in jail. I remember standing there in front of him in disbelief. He really gave me the maximum everything that the law would allow for.
I wasn’t the only one suffering though. My parents….the shame. It was really rough for my entire family.
6 years of my life with this King Kong on my back. Thousands of dollars spent on court and lawyer fees, tens of thousands if you count the tuition for my year at Baylor. Once a week I was forced to say “hi, my name is Ben, and I’m an addict” in those NA meetings.
The system really had my life on the shortest leash imaginable and it was all over something that they not only secretly condoned but endorsed one year previous to me being arrested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS???
Deep down I always knew it was about the money. Sending potheads to jail is big business for the government but at the same time I always believed that at least they thought they were doing the right thing. Turns out the government knew they were doing the wrong thing and still did it anyways…. I’m livid.
My heart hurts. Feels like I just got the wind knocked out of me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so angry. It feels like I swallowed something and now I’m turning into Eddy Hyde. For all those years the corrections people kept telling me that everything that I was going through was to help rehabilitate me so that I could become a functioning part of the community. And after all this time for me to find out that it was all bullshit. How would you feel?
You think it’s a game? Well, it is. Cash rules everything.
Fortunately my brother just finished med school and is in town this year for the holidays. It gave me the opportunity to have someone close and non judgmental to talk to. I talked with him about this over dinner last night. My brother said I should just move out of Texas. I said FUCK THAT! I was born in San Angelo, Texas and raised in Arlington, Texas. Texas is my home and the United States of America is my country. I’m not going to turn in to some ex-patriot that tucks tail and runs. I want to believe that we as a country are capable of distinguishing what’s right and what’s wrong. Mistakes will and have been made and that’s to be expected but we cannot lose faith. Right?
I’m already really involved in the effort to push for marijuana law reform but when I found out about patent 6630507 my optimism abruptly turned into pessimism. What if this really is a lost cause? I know I didn’t feel this way yesterday. As soon as I completed probation in 2008 I registered to vote. I was even elected as a republican delegate in my district. (Republican because at the time I was supporting Ron Paul for presidency) I’m part of the NORML organization and a member of the Texas marijuana tea party. I wrote our state representatives, John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison, urging them to vote yes on 714. I voted. I even reached out to all my friends that are residents of California to go out and vote yes on prop. 19. So far it’s been defeat after defeat after defeat. Apathy kills.
I’m not giving up by a long shot though. Can’t stop, won’t stop.
I’m not trying to promote anarchy or satisfy some personal vendetta either. I just believe in doing what’s right. What was done to me was very wrong and it’s still happening to other people right now. I will continue to keep my hope alive and end with a quote for the future.
“He who joyfully marches to music, rank, and file has already earned my contempt. He was given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice” -Albert Einstein
Sincerely your convicted felon,
-ben "sob story pro" lin
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